LadyGAGA

Ugh. I'm not sure what's been implanted into the heads of the "general public". Me and my mother dear were coming back from swimming, Thursday 26th, and we had the radio on. Now first of all, we like taking the mickey out of a lot of the songs that are on it, but suddenly... "THE OFFICIAL NUMBARR ONE!" is on the airwaves. Who the noodle d'you think it could be, but LadyGAGA. P-p-p-p-poker face p-p-poker face.


Uhum, what? It's covered in badly disguised innuendoes and totally crap words and rhymes. Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun. (well DUH.) And baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun, fun. (is it just me or is she trying to say that either, one; she likes sex A LOT, or two; that she doesn't mind the occasional beating, but as long as he's hot and famous?)

I won't tell you that I love you.
Kiss or hug you.
Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin.
I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning.
Just like a chick in the casino.
Take your bank before I pay you out.
I promise this, promise this.
Check this hand cause I'm marvellous.

I'm actually really worried for the British public. GET ME OUT!

Cake?

Now I like cake. But my face doesn't. Sound familiar? Every time I consume something that has more than a grain of sugar, it's like Mount Versuvius all over again. WOOSH! My face goes up like a balloon on the queen's birthday. I'm alright with getting rid of them... It's just they're so tempting to poke and pick.

Now I must go and dye my hair... Or my mother won't buy me cake..

Computer priviliges

If you close one eye and put your hand over the other, life is totally fair. Agree? Being at the naive age I am, I think that I should be allowed to go on the computer whenever I want. My mother does not agree. Funny, huh? She thinks that I actually need to "rest my eyes". Pfft. Woo! What was that? A flying pig?! Sure my eyesight is getting worse by the secon... Ah.. My mother has been proved right.

Well... What if I start talking about foods? FRUIT! VEGETABLES! FRICKIN' LENTILS! Personally, I would perfer to be eating tortelli, soup, ciabatta bread and baked potatoes. But apparently I need some sustinance. Oh looky, my mother has been proved right, again.

Sometimes I think that we should replace all parents with lava lamps.
Reason one: They're prettier.
Reason two: They don't shout at you.
Reason three: They don't get you off of the computer.

Then as I was moaning to my friend Jasper on MSN, he came up with three reasons why we shouldn't.
Reason one: They make your food.
Reason two: They pay the bills.
Reason three: They're like a taxi service you don't have to pay for.

My mother and Jazz are one and the same, methinks.